Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Am I who I was..


















In my sadness I found joy...
to swim in my memories...
and dwell in the wonderful
moments of my yesteryears.

No matter how long it was..
no matter how old...
for as far as the sun...
I would travel and live again.

For my past is so much...
a part of my present...
How can I be who I am now...
if I can't be my past.

From the girl I used to be..
to the woman I am now...
was there a change...
I ask....

Where was the girl I was then...
the girl who loved to laugh and dance...
do I know who I am now...
am I still the girl I was...

Tell me then,tell me now...
who was I then,who am I now..
am I my past,am I my present...
or am I both.

A MOTHER'S SIGH


             When you're alone by yourself,only your thoughts seemed to keep you company...You couldn't stop wondering...where have all those happier days gone?When you're children were still young...depending on you...teasing and kissing you.Ahhhh!!!!those wonderful days will forever live in a mother's deepest core.Memories of her children growing up years will keep flooding back,tenderly kept in her loving heart.
              Those times when my boys didn't seem to need anyone but me,when they thought I alone could answer their never ending why's.From the small insects to their growing bodies.Oh how I miss those days.when they would ask me what to wear,cried to me when they were hungry,hid behind my embrace when  there was lightning.Eager to hear my bedtime stories,and loved to listen to my lullabyes as I lulled them to sleep.
              But to let them leave I must...never mind my sadness,never mind my fears...for they have to go and make themselves the persons they wish to be...Away from my prying eyes and protective arms,the mom that I was and still am,would never let anyone hurt them in anyway or anything for that matter.And now..I wonder...what are they doing?..whom are they with?..did someone or something hurt them?..are they happy or sad?..are they still afraid of thunder and lightning?..do they still need me somehow?...do they think of me the way I do every single second of the day?...
             So why do I have to show them my happy face when they're around?Why shouldn't I tell them...please stay with me...don't leave again?For I myself wish and pray for the lives they dream for themselves.This sadness within me is just one of the many sacrifices only a selfless mom endures.And that I will forever be for my three beloved boys.
           
           
   

Monday, June 27, 2011

Shine again...

Leave the sky dark cloud...
of gloom and heavy  rain...
make way for sun...
to shine once again.


Let thy flow'rs bloom..
I beg...
and make thy birds...
sing for me again.


Let thy stars shine bright...
and thy moon smile from above...
make warm thy nights...
and show thy love to mine...


Make thy heart be merry...
to sing with joy for thee...
Oh veil of darkness go...
leave thy doorstep and never show.


Oh golden sun come back...
lit thy days so bright...
fill thy heart and mind..
of bliss to reign inside.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Sampaguita...anyone?





(For illustration only.)
          Last night,as we were heading home,I saw a woman selling sampaguita.She's so skinny as if she hasn't eaten for days,her face was haggard,her eyes dull and weary.I wonder why she was still on the streets hours after midnight,especially her five children were with her,all skinny and shabby too.They braved speeding cars and rain just to sell their withered and spoiled sampaguita.I wonder...for their late meal or for hungry,opportunists vultures this jungle of a city offers?
           How can these less fortunate beings embrace such inhumane condition just to be in this wilderness of suffering and greed!Or are they both using the other for survival?Such a shame to both of them!God gave us wisdom and dignity we should use and protect.No one has the right to say I don't have a choice!Each of us has,we only have  to use the resources God has provided us abundantly!Some may be in a more comfortable dwelling,some are in a more humble one,but just the same each one uses his gift of wisdom.Our status may vary from top to bottom but still we are one created by God in dignity and wisdom.
           Laziness,begging and vagrancy!Those are choices they opted.A lot work with their sweat and blood to earn a decent living,be it from a humble errand boy or to a successful executive,why can't they be too?Maybe because they wanted it easy,and didn't want to lift a finger to earn decently,and preferred begging instead.
           I ask myself..do I have to pity these poor creatures or not?I may...I may not!I may because they are missing God's wonderful blessings if they only have to work for it,I may not because they totally wasted God's gift  of wisdom and intelligence as  human beings.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Jungle in a city






            I miss home,I miss Kiss,I miss my garden,I miss my solitude.This city is not for me...nor any other city for that matter!The sound of the birds chirping is more melodious...much,much better than the deafening sound of engines racing thru and fro like cats and dogs!Men and women alike move like there's no tomorrow!Don't they sleep?Nor at least rest?Can't they stop for a while and ponder where they're leading?Is all the chaos worth their time spent...I wonder...
           Don't they realize that there is life in the country side?A life more peaceful and less competitive as far as their careers are concerned?The lifestyle they embrace in this jungle nicknamed city is a never ending race to nowhere but fatigue and exhaustion.It would only rip off their sanity,and the more they drink in their fame and fortune the more thirsty they become.No urban  person would agree with me I'm sure,but that's what I see!Sooner or later they'll get hooked in their own ambitions cause,man's quest for fame and power is unquenchable!And where would their quest take them?To satisfaction?I doubt it,no success ever satisfies any man!The more successes they achieved the more they thirst!Until contentment is far and unreachable from their minds and hearts.
           We work in order to meet our needs,in so doing we find joy and contentment.But if the very reason of our endeavors which is contentment is depleted,then we failed.No amount of money nor fame could ever bring any man pure joy.It's only a life of peace and tranquility that could make any one finally say,I am happy and I am content!
            Each of us knows where our happiness lies...go find it...as the old saying goes and I quote,"Life is where your heart is."Who knows it's in the country side?..Away from this noisy,polluted city you call home.
           As for me...my heart is where you can still smell the freshness of the morning dew, blended with the beautiful sound of the birds singing and sights of butterflies and colorful flowers everywhere...my home.


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Thank You My Sweet Jesus!




                  Today is my birthday,I thank You my Lord Jesus for this special day...The life You gave me is a blessing in itself,the wonderful years I spent with my loved ones were more than enough gift to last me for more than a lifetime...I ask nothing but happiness and good health for my family and to everyone.To some who are not lucky enough as I am,I wish them a life full of joy too!

Ugly-by Jared Ken C. Perez

You are so ugly;
Your feet’s too big,
Your breasts’ too small,
And your tummy’s like a ball;
You dress like you’re from mars,
You think it’s pretty but it’s not.
Your arms are too short,
But your nails are too long;
Your shoulders too broad,
And your neck’s too thin;
Your lips’ like a fish’s,
And your smile’s like a grin;
Your nose’s too flat,
Can’t see where it’s at;
Your eyes are like rocks,
And brows you have not.
Your zits are everywhere,
And on top of that,
Your hair’s like hay with bats;
You’re almost always grumpy,
And care nothing at all;
You eat too much,
And you’re getting fat;
You talk before you swallow,
Where are your manners in that?
You look down on people
Like you have the right to;
You think its hell everywhere,
And heaven’s in nowhere;
Hell, what’s the matter with you?
You say you love me,
Why would I love you?
Well love is not blind,
Dimwits contradict
Love sees the worst,
But it doesn’t mind;
Guess what,
Yes, I do love you…
So hate me.


My great crusade-by Jared Ken C. Perez

I do not see, what is beyond me…
Does the sky deceive me?
The earth that my sole rests upon
Warm yet untrue.

Oh my Jerusalem,
I sought for you…
Your promised redemption,
My great crusade.

So I thought,
Cleansed you from infidels
And demons thriving
Within your walls…

And you promised heaven.
Now all is done…
Where is my paradise?
For all I see are ruins
Of your past…

Have I wronged?
Thinking I saved you,
From the demons that beheld your heart…
Love my enemies, good and true.
But hurt me betray me,
Please tell me…

Are you my Jerusalem,
Or my captor?



Colour: a virgin’s tale-by Jared Ken C.Perez


A painting…
Swatches of pink
And purple.

It moves.
Flowing…
Soothing.

Wet,
With a brush
Caressing.
Contours,
Edges, tips…
Mastered.

It pours,
White… and
Water on
canvas.
Like sweat.
But sweet.

It pours,
Both dance
And music.

Colour,
In motion.
Colour
Heard.

Graceful.

A drop, a flaw;
A dot, a smudge…
And red.

An eye,
A tear…
And silence.

Jared Ken C. Perez

Visions of a vagabond’s eyes-by Jethro C. Perez

The trees cut down…
No more bountiful fruit bearing trees…
The great blue sky turned into a kingdom of shadows…
The villagers’ farms taken at no cost…

I hope I can save Mother Nature who now lies only in my memory…

Now I see colossal buildings…
I can see unsafe power plants…
I see vehicles fill the ground of yesterday’s green grass, oh so calming…
I see the sky covered with black smoke…

Oh how! How can I bring back the natural history from my memory?!

I stay in the middle of the traffic pleading for food
Which once mother earth held for me and for the animals in the woods…

I know not where to go…
In this place of filthiness or in the heavens with the ones who know…
Who know what God has in store for vagabonds like me…
Vagabonds who wish for the earth’s serenity…

There is hope for tomorrow!
I can see the past restored in the future!
Thrown are the sad experiences in the present and its sorrow…

I saw mountains from where I come from…
I saw the cascade and reminisced that I used to bathe there…
I saw the muddy soil, not knowing that statuettes weren’t made from loam…
I saw the fruit bearing trees everywhere!
I saw the great blue sky filled with playful birds flying east to west…
I saw the villagers tired from working but fails to rest…

If only I can see them now…
If only I still can see them somehow…

The economy expanding…
The mountains mined…
The soil eroded because of trees lacking…
The water fall debilitated by those who are so very unkind…

The earth refurbished so that vagabonds and those who are prosperous hold hands with equality…

Now I see that all of these were meant to be…
Meant to be experienced to realize that there are a lot of immoral actions which were not supposed to be done…

Let the new sun rise and the darkness never again to be witnessed…
Let everything go back to normal…
Let each and every creation go back to where they had originally been…
Where God put them to be seen…

Not to be questioned why…
Trust the visions of a vagabond’s eye…

-Jethro Perez-

The first day-by Jethro C.Perez

The first day I laid eyes on you,
My heart pounded my thoughts!
I could not think
Knowing that you were staring at me…

The first day I laid eyes on you,
I seemed to float
Seeing you flip your long black hair
From that day on,
I never allowed a day to pass by w/out even seeing your shadow…

The first day I met you,
It was a dream come true!
All I could say was hi but you ignored me.
I became angry, irritated, so mad that I could kill!
I uttered the words, “I love you but it’s your fault”…

The first day I spied on you,
I could see you going out and flirting with other guys
How rude! You’d pay attention to them but to me you did not even look when I was introducing myself.

The first day of bloodshed,
I took a knife,
Ran to your house,
And stabbed you over and over!

It was the first day you talked to me…
“Those guys are supposed to be my bridge to get to you, I love you”, you uttered.

It was the first endless day that I cried until blood were the tears that fell from my evil eyes


-Jethro Perez-

Loving You-by Jethro C. Perez

Loving you has been my everyday doing.
Loving you has lighted up my life.
Loving you has enriched my soul.
Loving you has wiped my tears.
Loving you brought color to my everything.
Loving you lets me know my purpose in life…
LOVING YOU.


-Jethro Perez-

In the Horizons-by Jethro C. Perez

I have been asking myself,
“Are we really destined to be with each other?”
“Are we really meant to be with each others arms?”
“Is fate the reason why we’re together?”

But how can we be together,
If you’re up there with the stars in the skies
Shining brightest among them
And me, stuck down here like a prisoner without a purpose?

Despite all these differences,
There’s still hope…
There’s still a place where the skies and the land can meet,
IN THE HORIZONS.


-Jethro Perez-

To Thee… I Sinned!-by Joeseth Jan C. Perez

Torn apart by Tides, Wind and Current
has Left water to seek dry…Secure
… followed the flow of the World Content
with Masks hiding truth, so Immature!
The World told… but not Self Intent,
to a LOVE cherished, but is Unsure!

A LASS hoped for Love do come… Endure.
As time is shown and HATRED i mourn!
To the Lady i wished truth, i am sure
shared i SILENCE, FEAR and THORNS!!!
In a heart So Innocent and Pure.
…Have not Grown I Hate I was Born!
Not to know given Love GREAT!, MATURE!

This Lass left ALONE in the Ocean…
of hidden TRUTH, a Mask thick as Black,
Grasped for Light… to find there was NONE!
seek as She… cannot see in the Dark
… only to Find, Light and She are ONE…
Began She Walks… Her NAME to world a MARK!

Now Came men Say, She was he SAVED.
From HELL, FIRE and FALSE his words has Come!!!
… to Deceive an Innocence!, GOD Laid…
A Girl of LIGHT known only to some.
… A Hate came Her, but she Forced it FADE!
She knew no wrong and asked Right to Come.

Now this man i have… i do Become
the man i HATE!… that i am has Died.
Vanished Deadly Pride and Fear to Some…
i thank all, Ungood, and TRUE… have I, find
… A Man with TRUE LOVE for Her has COME!
And Complete DENY to World I Mind!!!

FORGIVE She did to I Who so SINNED!
… Loved me More! and…  TEARS… Offer I Her…
for I could not BELIEVE… Grave My DEEDS!
and  yet… She gives Love Divine in Her…
could not Thank more… Her I Will FORBID!
Love not True… But Love DIVINE!, Indeed!

Joeseth C. Perez
                             

Paradise- by Jared Ken C. Perez

Dying in this blossom filled paradise,
I am hopeless.
It is spring yet…
The canaries and butterflies
Sing lies.

Flowers are blooming
Like smiles
Slowly appearing from lips
Often blank…
But here I am,
Dying.

The wind blowing scented
With pine and wildflowers,
Tickling my nostrils…
Reminded me of you,
My love.
It is all so good,
Yet so bad.

My feet
Half submerged
In this shallow waters,
A creek.
And it scorches my sole
Like fire!
The spring sun rays
On my face…
Warm, supposed to be…
But now cold,
Like the highest peak
Of the winter lands.

It kills me…
My life is ending.
As the air I breathe
Like daggers piercing
My chest from within!
Yet,
This is paradise,
This was paradise…
With you.

But hell when you slit my throat
With a kiss
So cold it burns!
And a whisper,
A goodbye…
A whisper so loud it deafens me!

Thus I lay aside…
In this paradise
With memories of you
We had here…
Thus,
In this paradise,
I die.


Jared Ken C. Perez

His Is All-by Joeseth Jan C. Perez

on wood or stone.
Or idols alike,
For eyes who dwell
share tears that never dries

For if a sparrow
Can freely fly,
So as a glance
would kill a sight.

Just as a careless breathe
Could disturb the light,
So as silence of the mind
deafens the soul.

If only heads are low
And knees are bent,
The eyes would close
And cease to roam.

Where men fails, He weeps
For God knows
His is all.
But man never learns
That stone, or wood
Cannot move nor speak.

Or an idol be more than it is
For it is only
What it is, made
By hand and hand alone.




Joeseth C. Perez

A Mother’s letter to her Son-by Joeseth Jan C. Perez



It was May… five years ago when you left town, off
To Manila where you will be studying in U.P.
You were seventeen then, so young and full of life…
In facing a bigger world Tabaco could not give.

Nothing has changed since you left, only the lawn had
Grown grass…No one plays there anymore, Jared wouldn’t.
He’s grown a loner, always in a room that was yours,
Always doing something, and jet, is fixed on T.V.
my mama
How’s your father?... Tell him the kids miss him so
And the house needs work only he can fix
I can do only as much as I can with these hands
Tell him… home needs papa.

The rain fell so hard last night that the bed turned ice
With water dripping from the ceiling and the old fence
Cracks as the wind blew from the east. Typhoon Sisang
Took the old mango tree by the river where you used
to spend the mornings fishing…and the tree house
where you and your father built.

The kitchen roof was torn down, leaving it open
for the leaves of the Acacia to fall on the sink
you know I hate it when the sink is dirty.
And the floor was wet with mud!

The house was a mess! Vicky spent the whole afternoon
Scrubbing the floor… I can hardly bend my back waxing it.
Jared and jet cleared the yard from twigs and leaves that fell
The night Sisang came.

Tonight we had a candle lit dinner, served with
Salted egg and red anchovies… I know it’s your
Favorite but your brother’s didn’t like it, you know them…
Our sole music was the chirping of the two lovebirds
That you brought last christmas as a gift for the family

We had little laughs and singing before we slept
I was sound asleep when I thought I heard something
Moved in the kitchen… it was dark that I can hardly
See what I am stepping on, suddenly as I walked
I stepped onto something hard and my weight broke it.

It was the glass rose that you gave me that morning
As you left for Manila… you told me that it would
Remind me of the beauty of our home as time passes and
It would not wither…


Joeseth Jan C. Perez

A fifth spring fall-by Jared Ken C. Perez

Winter black shines light,
A spring of red delights.
Comes joy summer of spices so wild,
Like fire dancing, like licks burning.
As it so wild then sure the escape,
Certain as fall at the gates.

From fall to darkness and winter again,
Not as long for comes spring again.
Yellow spring come,
Let these dark coldness divide.
Make this sorrow subside.
O, how sweet these caress,
Away these memories and depress.
Comforting like silk and cotton are,
Like honey and milk…

Is this all that what is asked,
Why this satisfaction hunger must?
A thing, absent… where is the spark?
Missed so what was once… that spice!
How sweet these caress, yes!
But the need is gone
Mind not, fall has won.

Winter laugh,
Come make suffer, if suffer shall;
O doubts what to suffer…
But sure not what was last.
Though guilt is not past,
The last has its purpose,
Alas it is done.
Suffer this that one cannot find…
For what is not is what is craved.

Then appear here,
A spring so pink,
So pale, so soft, so fragile.
Like child, undoubted happiness…
Trust so full and purest the smiles,
Touch so true one can ever receive,
That one can ever, ever deserve…
A blossom both mild and wild,
Loving innocence, like child.

Bothered be, guilt of past or now,
Does not consent!
Deserves not such,
Far as to deceive can never be.
Thus let go, so pink a spring.
Together, will never be.



Fall shall, thus shall winter,
But darkest coldest these ever felt.
Why deserve such,
Why deserve such not?
Does past or any must count?
Why regret, why regret!
Still, regrets shall…

To loose the last, alone, ever be.
But as it so wished, will not be weak.
Hard a stone, tough can be…

As all subside, past most forgotten,
Calm not, much surprise devised!
Thought as hard a stone, withered
With just a spark a light.

One true light came,
Rays beyond suns…
A white spring.
So as no word can tell,
But perfect.
So true, so fine…
Astounded divine.
Luring… attracts…
Most deed it was,
Most, almost taken.

Restrain! It shall not be!
For not a glimmer can get…
As divine as such can never be tainted.
Know well the path to take, to choose.

So now retreat to this winter…
But first shall fall.
And most not bad at all,
As to it is it,
The withered has become ice.
Winter now comforting,
From sea a breeze alike.
As to it, it is…
Ice melts, with a spring.
Just spring, no color or anything…

Clearest though this one truth that cries,
An attraction most high defies.
Like a mist, nothing so certain,
What it was that made delight.
Unknown worlds of secret
Passion before front,
Like a boy wandering
A new a thing… so virgin.




But as did come so shall go.
Like illusion since
But true, but real,
But illusion once, not ever will…
Comes as goes shall it feels.
Not loneliness or sorrow,
But knowledge reveals.
The loss of such to find another,
To loose one and comes another…
As to the sun unseen in the night,
And the moon vanished in the day’s light.

Though all is certain,
Not or shall never be it a cycle…
It is life.
So go on, O spring.
Let see a fifth spring fall.


Jared Ken C. Perez