so long my Kiss...

Why do you have to leave this soon
your stares,calls and kisses linger
you who taught me more
things I never knew I could.

days we spent were full
of a love almost divine.
a face that shines when hugged
oh when would I get through...

side by side we filled...
our nights of warmth and care.
in our hearts we shared...
your smile,your love remained.

I gave you all I had...
but more from you I got.
someday somehow I hope..
to love and care once more.

Royal Palace & Mekong Riverside' Phnom Penh

            Magnificent is such a small word to describe Royal Palace's grandeur...a display of a perfect Khmer Architecture featuring its defensive wall,throne hall,Temple of the Emerald Buddha,stupas,towering spires,mural paintings and its Moonlight Pavilion.
             It was on a windy afternoon when I and my sister in law visited its grounds.The richness of the palace was overwhelming,silver and gold all over,adorning its walls and buddhas.No wonder there were guards scattered everywhere.In some parts of the palace we were prohibited to take pictures for security and sanctity reasons.Royal Palace is a worship place for buddhists,for them its a holy place meant for praying and offering gifts for their deities.
              An extravagant home suited for their gods,a far cry from the lives of their poor devotees hardly coping in extreme poverty.But that is a different story,nevertheless I couldn't keep from wondering in such  an outrageous display of wealth,while a lot of Khmers are craving for the basic necessities in life.
       

Mekong Riverside

         

Illusive Butterfly...

       
            I,Ruselle & Nono my dearest friends way back in high school were having our usual,favorite past time..day dreaming...dancing in wild abandon off stage.We were in Tia Nene's garden in our beloved hometown,waiting for our afternoon rehearsal in one of our numerous shows.Out of nowhere a butterfly flew over us,simultaneously an idea flashed from our youthful,excited minds.At that instant "Illusive Butterfly" an interpretative dance was conceived.For the three of us,it was the most memorable dance we had ever performed in our school.
           "Illusive Butterfly" was a story of a boy painting a beautiful girl on a canvass.While admiring the girl in his painting he fell asleep...slowly the girl on the canvass came to life,floating,pivoting and pirouetting gracefully under the moonlit night.Together they danced with sweet caress to the rhythm of their beating hearts,under the flickering starlight.Twirling round and round the mystical garden through the night.And lo!as sudden as she came to life,she disappeared in the dark,leaving him bewildered and alone.His dream girl gone..like the illusive butterfly who flew from his palms.Dejected and forlorn..he fell asleep with a heavy heart,only to find out when he awoke...it was all a dream.The mysterious,lovely girl was still on his canvass,standing poised on her toes,her left leg lifted backwards.Her illuminated face slightly tilted towards the heavens,her left arm lifted lightly on her side,her right reaching the illusive butterfly.Just as he painted it.A perfect silhouette of a pretty ballerina of his dreams.
            Though we had parted ways to fulfill our respective dreams and aspirations,our affection for each one lingered and treasured as years gone by.Nono was the one who almost fulfilled our dreams,at least he's in show business and made a name for himself.He may not be the famous ballet dancer we all aspired, he still is in that line.He is the Art Director of a leading television company of the country.While me and Ruselle had walked a very different path from our dreams.Ruselle is now a competent government employee and quite happy and satisfied in his field.Me?I found my stage in a home of three wonderful boys and a loving husband.
            Who would have thought that our dance "Illusive Butterfly"was like an omen...a prediction of our future.A dream of three aspiring,teen dancers that never came to reality...a great,illusive dream and stayed as it was thirty and more years ago.

That joy within...

 

       

They say you're lonely...
so let them be.
for in truth you'll never be.

The image they see...seems so...
to ponder they always do...
what good will it give you?

Live your days...
give yourself that gift you longed.
the one you gave so long ago.

If no one cares..
it's you who's left...
to feel that joy within.

Alone isn't lonesome..
for it's the only way and time...
to meet the you inside.

The dreams you kept..
forgotten as the years went through...
the life you chose made you.

From within radiates..
a love so pure and true.
for all that's dear to you.

Cries from S21 Prison...down to the Killing Fields.

tiny,dark,filthy cells in S21 Prison

         
         Somehow I had read about the horrific plight of the victims in Pol Pot's regime,being at the actual sight where the atrocious crimes were executed was a far more different story.The tortures committed were unimaginable,you could almost hear the cries,moans and anguish of the unfortunate souls by barely looking at the cells and torture instruments.I could almost feel the horrible pains inflicted on them through the photos and paintings on its walls.Men,women,old and young were not spared,the cruelty and sadistic treatment they suffered was unbelievably gross!I could hardly breathe,while reading the captions of the photos,my sight suddenly went blurred with unshed tears.Strong emotions I couldn't decipher...dread,pity,anger..rolled into one.
        There was this one picture that astounded me,A mother holding her young child in her arms,while being tortured on an interrogation chair,like she was about to be electrocuted.I almost gasped in horror!Nothing more inhumane than that could anyone commit in a million lifetime!If I was horrified by just looking at the picture,what more can that pitiful mother felt?Her face was void of expression,to top it all,why did they make her look at the camera and pose for them with her young helpless child in her loving protective arms?!
         The devil was definitely glorified by the monstrosity committed in this prison!

          Most of the victims were professionals,artists and politicians,they were held in captivity for the sole reason,they were considered as threat to Pol Pot's regime.

Chao Ponhea High School turned S21 Prison

    "It is compulsory to preserve the archive evidence of the bloody regime and remember the oppression,anguish and suffering caused by "Khmer Rouge".Keeping the memory of the atrocities committed on Cambodian soil alive is the key to build a new strong and just state.Furthermore,making the crimes of the inhumane regime of Khmer Rouge public,plays crucial role in preventing new Pol Pot from emerging in the lands of Ankor or anywhere on Earth."

by:Toul Sleng Genocide Museum

actual photos of victims & torture gadgets

A Trip of Promise...

           Who could have thought that by visiting the historic lands of Vietnam & Cambodia,I would be with a young couple and be a witness to a love bound by a solemn promise.Despite the rocky road they're in ,both hold on to what they've shared twenty or more years ago...laughter and tears alike.

          Life sometimes plays real hard tricks on us...trials we thought impossible to win.So to win they aim,a bond so admirable for a young couple full of hope that they are.The trip renewed that promise..of never giving up on each other no matter what.Flaws and imperfections understood and accepted by a strong foundation they both fought hard to build in their young lives.

           Watching the both of them,made me realize that apart from Jesus being the center of a marriage,one should have that unconditional love.A love shared not only on sunny days,but on rainy days as well.Holding each other's hand,giving strength when the other is weak....
          I was amazed by their strong will,to protect and fight for a love blessed by two wonderful sons.Truly an oath in the eyes of men and God,no one in this world could ever break apart.
          Go my dears...walk hand in hand to the journey of life with Jesus Christ our merciful God,for He is the only way...to that illusive bliss,we fervently pray to achieve.

My most ecstatic ride!!!Ankor Wat,Cambodia

       

              The moment I saw the elephants,I couldn't wait to ride them!I bet my face glowed with pure joy like a child.I realized the joy in me was so transparent and infectious  that my fellow tourists were waving and smiling at me.It was one of a lifetime experience indeed!Imagine yourself in a most serene surrounding of temples,swamps and sprawling old trees...And you're riding high on an elephant,while the care taker cum driver was playing a  soothing tune through a leaf between his lips?What a wonderful ride!!!Whatever worries or stress I had flew with the winds on that most unforgettable,joyous moment.Nothing could have stopped me riding that lovable elephant on that oh so lovely morning of September breeze in  the land of the ancient temples.

"Ankor Wat Temples" Siem Reap,Cambodia

            If I thought I was dreaming when I was in Saigon,gazing at Ankor Wat Temples with my naked eyes, standing in awe at the exact sight was mystical for me.I almost didn't want to blink,as if I was taken back in antiquity.To an ancient world of kings and queens clad in their royal robes of gold and precious gems,monks' soft melodious prayers to their divine deities.And as I was wondering on its grounds,amongst its ruins,touching its centuries old walls,with various inscriptions and relics,I almost felt I was floating...transported back in time of Apsaras...dancing to the delight of their king and gods.As if I was in a fantasy world,a world of make believe..
             Then again I had to come back to reality and enjoy the majestic temples of ancient times.

              ANKOR WAT TEMPLE was built for the king Suryavarman 11 in the early 12th century as his state temple and capital city.It is the world's largest religious building and the only one to have remained a significant religious center since its foundation.Before it became Buddhist,it was first Hindu,dedicated to the god Vishnu.It was designed to represent Mt.Meru,home of the devas in Hindu mythology.The temple is known for its grandeur and harmony of its architecture,its extensive bas-reliefs,and for the numerous devatas (guardian spirits) adorning its walls.The modern name Ankor Wat means city temple..ankor:city/wat:temple.

(ref.-Wikipedia)

Ankor Wat Temple

         

         BAYON TEMPLE was built between 12th and 13th century as the state temple of the Mahayana Buddhist King Jayavarman V11,it stands at Jayavarman's capital,Ankhor Thom.After King Jayavarman's death,Hindu and Theravada Buddhist kings modified and augmented it according to their religious references.Bayon's most destinct feature is the multitude of serene and massive stone faces of the many towers which jut out from the upper terrace and cluster around its central peak.The temple is known also for its two impressive sets of bas-reliefs which represent an unusual combination of mythological,historical and mundane scenes.

(ref.-Wikipedia)

Bayon Temple

            TA PROHM TEMPLE is the modern name of a temple built in the Bayon style largely in the late 12th and early 13th century,originally called Rajahvihara.It was founded by King Jayavarman V11 as a Mahayana Buddhist's monastery and university.Unlike most Ankorian Temples,Ta Prohm has been left in much the same condition in which it was found.The photogenic and atmospheric combination of trees growing out of the ruins and the jungle surroundings have made it one of Ankor's most popular temple.
(ref.-Wikipedia)

Ta Prohm Temple

Vietnam

           Never in my wildest dream...I would go places other than my own little world.I always said...why should I when I haven't visited yet all the beautiful sights here in my own land.Besides being a full pledged wife and mom to our three boys,I limited my interests to reading and eventually writing when my boys went off for their studies in Manila,a ten hour drive from our home.Not to mention monetary concerns,travelling is quite expensive.But God has ways to surprise us ...and surprise me He did!It was just like a wink of an eye!Before I knew it I was already flying to Vietnam!

Saigon'9/25/11

         When I had my first glimpse of Saigon from the tiny window of the plane..I didn't understand how I felt.As if I were a young girl so excited to see and feel the soil of an alien land.I thought the plane took forever to land,for us to finally touch the grounds of Saigon.
           When we finally landed and went about the airport routine,I was in a daze.The drive to our hotel seemed endless...I thought I was dreaming.
          I couldn't wait for the sunrise so I could see Saigon in daylight!So the moment we went out of our hotel for our sumptuous breakfast of noodles,yummy Vietnamese filled buns and the most wonderful coffee I ever tasted...my heart was pumping like a little girl receiving her first doll!My bright eyes were busy looking around and I bet my mouth was open too!For all I cared!I was walking and skipping along the parks and busy streets of Saigon,swarming with motorbikes.The Post Office was really grand and the Cathedral was magnificent!The parks were perfectly manicured with colorful flowers in bloom!
           I was overwhelmed by my new surrounding!I just saw pictures and read about those places in my books!On that joyous September morning,wonder of all wonders I was walking on its soil!!!What a loving god is my God!!!To grant me such a gift I never thought I could have...and mind you I never asked.

Ho Chi Minh City

             The next day,on our way to Cu Chi Tunnels we dropped by a factory of the arts and crafts of Vietnam.The workers/artists were mostly handicapped,their artistic talents and diligence were amazing!Looking at their crafts was truly a treat to my creative eyes!

arts & crafts of Vietnam

              Cu Chi Tunnels,was an underground revolutionary base of Cu Chi District Party,during the Anti American resistance.It was a good two or three hours drive from Ho Chi Minh City.Our tourist guide was articulate and delighted us with his sense of humor.At least we were cheerful before we learned the heart breaking history behind the tunnels.
             Cu Chi Tunnels showed me how the Vietcongs lived,fought,and suffered in their darkest times.Crawling underground where they hid gave me a vague picture on how they survived in such impossibly narrow,filthy,almost airless tunnels underground with no nourishment at all.Except boiled root crops and tasteless tea on rare occasions.They had to eat insects and rats for survival underground.But their struggles were gloriously rewarded,they fought unitedly and finally liberated their people against their enemies.It was a hard fought,victorious war indeed.

Cu Chi Tunnels

         On our third and last day in Vietnam we woke up early for our six hour drive to Cambodia.I was glad we didn't take the plane so I could see the country side and experience crossing the border and the Mekong River.
          Vietnam is a beautiful country with a rich heritage,lush farmlands,wonderful art and culture.My three day stay was so short for me to explore it's beauty.

Vietnam/Cambodia border & Mekong River

A letter treasured in a chest...

taken in 1990-Baguio City

Feb.1,1990

     This is for you and I don't know if this is a poem or what,it just came out in order to let you know how I really feel.

To my dearest wife,

In my life you're here,though
I thought I'm lost.
Your thoughts were here...
to guide me and I'm looking back.
And when I seek,at last I found,
that my senses had been longing,
longing for something.

That indeed was still,
implanted in my deepest emotion.
And though it's yet..
out of my embrace.

This feeling that was then,
pure and gentle.
was laid down,and for a while overrun,
by confusions and sufferings.
this feelings that not until we've been apart..
I've never longed for it.

For in my life you're here...
the essence of your love,
in the midst of the night I kept.

Remember the tender moments
the laughters and tears...
I was always there..
to give you warmth and comfort.

For in my life..
no matter how much distance there is...
the thoughts of you will never be away.
coz in my life I love you so....

P.S.
       If ever you have the tape (Dire Straits) look for the song "Why Worry" it's a nice song.The tape doesn't have the title written on it so you can just listen to the lyrics.

Kid

An padaba ni Inoy...

Sato...

sagkud ...ngana!  :)

Ulay ng panawn an nakagi...
labing tolong dekada na barang...
pagpadaba ni Inoy ki Bess...
indi barang nalilipngan!


Na agom na barang...
sagkud na nabalo.
ki Bess na magayon..
si Inoy nagulat mangilayon...


Uminagi na su ngamin...
mga daragang pwedeng birikan..
an pagkamot ni Inoy.
indi barang natanyog...
ki Bess nakagaplot!!!


Pwerte ka sutil..
san puso ni Inoy..
ta maski unong turo..
ki Bess nakaporopot!


Kung indi pa ginibo..
ni Karen an Taga Camalig...
pagkamot ni Inoy sa baul...
turog mangilayon!!!

bow!!!!!

Amidst All...

Amidst your darkness..
look for light.

Amidst your storm...
wait for calmness.

Amidst confusion...
seek for the truth.

Amidst chaos...
breathe...let your mind...rest a bit!

For what'll be left in you..
if all is gone and burned out.

You can't change the world...
but you can change yourself.

Live your life...
enjoy what God has given you.

So much is to be grateful for...
your life itself is one.

Pinangat!

Camalig's pride

Uno man na okasyon..

maski din makabot..

kataraning na banwa...

o sa arayo na nasyon.

Pinangat na masiram...

marang man o bukon.

indi nalilipngan san...

dilang Camalignun.

Ituma sa umay...

sa pandesal o asayun...

pwerteng siram...

maski sa irinuman.

Binangot na sa spaghetti...

Italyanong putahe..

indi barang nadawg...

namit nya an naglutaw!

Dakul an nag arug...

mga taga ibang lugar..

paraluto na matitibay.
nyanga san ta naisyan...

san dilang Camalignun...

bukon yan original!

Sya pu ko san!
di na sana magkarawn!
malansi mo pikit!
bukon an taga Camalig!

Happy birthday my BFF!

   It was at a birthday party of our friend's son twenty six long years ago when we first met...Ken was still in my womb,I was so big  and a little shy then.You were there with our mutual friends,I thought..."who was this Chinese couple who seemed kind and friendly to everyone".Little did I know that it was the start of a long,joyful and enduring friendship that we have to this day!
    We had shared and endured years of joy and trials..both in our respective families to our own friendship.But due to the respect and affection we have for each one,I would say..we had passed it all with flying colors!
     Never did we have hurting words thrown to each other...we became sisters more than we were friends,always forgiving each other's weaknesses and flows.Our families are witnesses to our bond and that I am proud to share it with my children and I know you are too.
     Tomorrow is your birthday my dear Nina,my BFF!My fervent prayer is for you to be happy always,free of worries and stress!Live life as what Jesus our Lord has given us,offer to Him all the worries and fears in your heart.As always I will be at your side as I was twenty six funny,tearful and loving years had passed till we're both old and gray!

     Happy birthday dearest!!!!
   

Am I who I was..

In my sadness I found joy...
to swim in my memories...
and dwell in the wonderful
moments of my yesteryears.

No matter how long it was..
no matter how old...
for as far as the sun...
I would travel and live again.

For my past is so much...
a part of my present...
How can I be who I am now...
if I can't be my past.

From the girl I used to be..
to the woman I am now...
was there a change...
I ask....

Where was the girl I was then...
the girl who loved to laugh and dance...
do I know who I am now...
am I still the girl I was...

Tell me then,tell me now...
who was I then,who am I now..
am I my past,am I my present...
or am I both.

A MOTHER'S SIGH

             When you're alone by yourself,only your thoughts seemed to keep you company...You couldn't stop wondering...where have all those happier days gone?When you're children were still young...depending on you...teasing and kissing you.Ahhhh!!!!those wonderful days will forever live in a mother's deepest core.Memories of her children growing up years will keep flooding back,tenderly kept in her loving heart.
              Those times when my boys didn't seem to need anyone but me,when they thought I alone could answer their never ending why's.From the small insects to their growing bodies.Oh how I miss those days.when they would ask me what to wear,cried to me when they were hungry,hid behind my embrace when  there was lightning.Eager to hear my bedtime stories,and loved to listen to my lullabyes as I lulled them to sleep.
              But to let them leave I must...never mind my sadness,never mind my fears...for they have to go and make themselves the persons they wish to be...Away from my prying eyes and protective arms,the mom that I was and still am,would never let anyone hurt them in anyway or anything for that matter.And now..I wonder...what are they doing?..whom are they with?..did someone or something hurt them?..are they happy or sad?..are they still afraid of thunder and lightning?..do they still need me somehow?...do they think of me the way I do every single second of the day?...
             So why do I have to show them my happy face when they're around?Why shouldn't I tell them...please stay with me...don't leave again?For I myself wish and pray for the lives they dream for themselves.This sadness within me is just one of the many sacrifices only a selfless mom endures.And that I will forever be for my three beloved boys.
           
           
   

Shine again...

Leave the sky dark cloud...
of gloom and heavy  rain...
make way for sun...
to shine once again.


Let thy flow'rs bloom..
I beg...
and make thy birds...
sing for me again.


Let thy stars shine bright...
and thy moon smile from above...
make warm thy nights...
and show thy love to mine...


Make thy heart be merry...
to sing with joy for thee...
Oh veil of darkness go...
leave thy doorstep and never show.


Oh golden sun come back...
lit thy days so bright...
fill thy heart and mind..
of bliss to reign inside.

Sampaguita...anyone?

(For illustration only.)

          Last night,as we were heading home,I saw a woman selling sampaguita.She's so skinny as if she hasn't eaten for days,her face was haggard,her eyes dull and weary.I wonder why she was still on the streets hours after midnight,especially her five children were with her,all skinny and shabby too.They braved speeding cars and rain just to sell their withered and spoiled sampaguita.I wonder...for their late meal or for hungry,opportunists vultures this jungle of a city offers?
           How can these less fortunate beings embrace such inhumane condition just to be in this wilderness of suffering and greed!Or are they both using the other for survival?Such a shame to both of them!God gave us wisdom and dignity we should use and protect.No one has the right to say I don't have a choice!Each of us has,we only have  to use the resources God has provided us abundantly!Some may be in a more comfortable dwelling,some are in a more humble one,but just the same each one uses his gift of wisdom.Our status may vary from top to bottom but still we are one created by God in dignity and wisdom.
           Laziness,begging and vagrancy!Those are choices they opted.A lot work with their sweat and blood to earn a decent living,be it from a humble errand boy or to a successful executive,why can't they be too?Maybe because they wanted it easy,and didn't want to lift a finger to earn decently,and preferred begging instead.
           I ask myself..do I have to pity these poor creatures or not?I may...I may not!I may because they are missing God's wonderful blessings if they only have to work for it,I may not because they totally wasted God's gift  of wisdom and intelligence as  human beings.

Jungle in a city

            I miss home,I miss Kiss,I miss my garden,I miss my solitude.This city is not for me...nor any other city for that matter!The sound of the birds chirping is more melodious...much,much better than the deafening sound of engines racing thru and fro like cats and dogs!Men and women alike move like there's no tomorrow!Don't they sleep?Nor at least rest?Can't they stop for a while and ponder where they're leading?Is all the chaos worth their time spent...I wonder...
           Don't they realize that there is life in the country side?A life more peaceful and less competitive as far as their careers are concerned?The lifestyle they embrace in this jungle nicknamed city is a never ending race to nowhere but fatigue and exhaustion.It would only rip off their sanity,and the more they drink in their fame and fortune the more thirsty they become.No urban  person would agree with me I'm sure,but that's what I see!Sooner or later they'll get hooked in their own ambitions cause,man's quest for fame and power is unquenchable!And where would their quest take them?To satisfaction?I doubt it,no success ever satisfies any man!The more successes they achieved the more they thirst!Until contentment is far and unreachable from their minds and hearts.
           We work in order to meet our needs,in so doing we find joy and contentment.But if the very reason of our endeavors which is contentment is depleted,then we failed.No amount of money nor fame could ever bring any man pure joy.It's only a life of peace and tranquility that could make any one finally say,I am happy and I am content!
            Each of us knows where our happiness lies...go find it...as the old saying goes and I quote,"Life is where your heart is."Who knows it's in the country side?..Away from this noisy,polluted city you call home.

           As for me...my heart is where you can still smell the freshness of the morning dew, blended with the beautiful sound of the birds singing and sights of butterflies and colorful flowers everywhere...my home.

Thank You My Sweet Jesus!

                  Today is my birthday,I thank You my Lord Jesus for this special day...The life You gave me is a blessing in itself,the wonderful years I spent with my loved ones were more than enough gift to last me for more than a lifetime...I ask nothing but happiness and good health for my family and to everyone.To some who are not lucky enough as I am,I wish them a life full of joy too!

Ugly-by Jared Ken C. Perez

You are so ugly;

Your feet’s too big,

Your breasts’ too small,

And your tummy’s like a ball;

You dress like you’re from mars,

You think it’s pretty but it’s not.

Your arms are too short,

But your nails are too long;

Your shoulders too broad,

And your neck’s too thin;

Your lips’ like a fish’s,

And your smile’s like a grin;

Your nose’s too flat,

Can’t see where it’s at;

Your eyes are like rocks,

And brows you have not.

Your zits are everywhere,

And on top of that,

Your hair’s like hay with bats;

You’re almost always grumpy,

And care nothing at all;

You eat too much,

And you’re getting fat;

You talk before you swallow,

Where are your manners in that?

You look down on people

Like you have the right to;

You think its hell everywhere,

And heaven’s in nowhere;

Hell, what’s the matter with you?

You say you love me,

Why would I love you?

Well love is not blind,

Dimwits contradict

Love sees the worst,

But it doesn’t mind;

Guess what,

Yes, I do love you…

So hate me.

My great crusade-by Jared Ken C. Perez

I do not see, what is beyond me…

Does the sky deceive me?

The earth that my sole rests upon

Warm yet untrue.

Oh my Jerusalem,

I sought for you…

Your promised redemption,

My great crusade.

So I thought,

Cleansed you from infidels

And demons thriving

Within your walls…

And you promised heaven.

Now all is done…

Where is my paradise?

For all I see are ruins

Of your past…

Have I wronged?

Thinking I saved you,

From the demons that beheld your heart…

Love my enemies, good and true.

But hurt me betray me,

Please tell me…

Are you my Jerusalem,

Or my captor?

Colour: a virgin’s tale-by Jared Ken C.Perez

A painting…

Swatches of pink

And purple.

It moves.

Flowing…

Soothing.

Wet,

With a brush

Caressing.

Contours,

Edges, tips…

Mastered.

It pours,

White… and

Water on

canvas.

Like sweat.

But sweet.

It pours,

Both dance

And music.

Colour,

In motion.

Colour

Heard.

Graceful.

A drop, a flaw;

A dot, a smudge…

And red.

An eye,

A tear…

And silence.

Jared Ken C. Perez